God my Defender intervenes

Some years ago I was in a situation where I was heavily criticized. Each new sentence coming was like a lash of a whip coming over my head. I grew increasingly troubled on the inside, but the person was not even over yet. Suddenly, something remarkable happened. Person continued to pour out contempt, but the volume of the sound was getting lower and lower until I could not hear anything. I could see that something a bit supernatural was going on, because the person did continue to speak and I could still see the mouth moving. I was starting to feel kind of happy that I could not hear and understand the words and be hurt by them. I realized that God was intervening in the situation and turning off the volume of these accusations. I know that He felt strongly about shielding me and defending me.

I turned around and looked to another direction. After a moment, I found myself in a complete silence, as if time totally stopped. I saw myself in a circle of light, felt the inside of my being and my heart beating. Then, in the silence, I heard these words from God in my spirit: “You are a miracle. It is a miracle that you are alive. Your life is a miracle.“ In the meantime, the person had stopped talking and I just left without saying anything. In fact, I could not even remember any of the accusations expressed previously. Usually after situations like that, I would ruminate for a long time if the criticism was fair or it wasn’t fair, and if I could or could not have done something differently. This time, however, I was totally free from that. I was in a state of bliss and awestruck at the intervention I had experienced from God. He brought a different truth about me which is deeper and even more important. God chose to intervene and to defend me, and it meant much to me. This very memorable experience I have had only once.

We may not always be able to do all that is expected of us, even if we have goodwill. God sees our heart and our attitude, and that matters to Him even more than our output. You will not find a better Master and Lord anywhere - He is full of compassion and knows our limitations. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. When searching for Him, we are refreshed on the inside, but going overboard in meeting people’s demands will dry us out. He loves us just because we are and not depending on what we have or have not done. In Him, we have been created, we live, move and breathe, and that alone is a miracle. Our life is a miracle.

Jesus helps during restless night

Not always having good sleep is part of raising kids, so you guess with my three I have some experience with that. I am not operating too well if not having a good sleep and my stamina in these occasions is perhaps below the average. I usually would not resort to waking up my husband or mother in law, as it results in even more hustle for more people and anyways I am the one who has milk which is most effective way to settle the child down. If baby keeps waking up in the night and I am pretty exhausted already, I would try to keep patience and maintain a good attitude at first, but there comes a physical limit after which my flesh starts to struggle against this predicament I find myself in and I am prone to frustration. It only makes things worse, because it is much more difficult to fall asleep afterwards if already feeling upset. However, these are also occasions to ask God’s help and even experience Jesus in a special way.

A few months ago my daughter Viva was having a cold and her nose was blocked.  She kept waking up in the night about every 15 minutes, perhaps about 20 times during that night. As I started to get weary already in the midst of that challenge, suddenly I remembered the story in the Bible, how Jesus was exhausted and fell asleep on the boat and at first, did not wake up even in the storm (Mark 4, 35-41). As I meditated on that, I saw with the eyes of my spirit that Jesus is inviting me to come to the boat and have a nap there just as He did, no matter what my conditions are. Amazingly, I was able to have those 15 min naps in-between Viva’s waking and was feeling refreshed and peaceful. I felt a little calming movement as when being on a boat which lulled me back to sleep.  

On another occasion perhaps about one year ago, during a restless night with Vincent, I was also being near reaching frustrated state, when suddenly a verse of the Bible came to my mind: “And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.” (Revelation 21:2)  I was filled with deep peace and was supernaturally strengthened to handle the rest of the night. Although it was a verse totally unrelated to the situation, but the word of God in itself is powerful to work in us in our time of need.

On a side note, God and Jesus can help us to fall asleep also when we struggle with sleeplessness due to other reasons. We need to make sure we have entrusted all matters to Him in prayer. We can rest in the shelter of the Most High, under His wings of protection (Psalm 91). “In peace I will lie down and fall asleep, for you alone, LORD, make me secure.” (Ps 4, 9)

Heart filled by Jesus

Happy Valentine’s day! - no matter if you have your Valentine or not. In Finland this day is the Friends day (Ystävänpaivä) which is perhaps better and more inclusive idea.

Recently I was describing to a friend changes in my relationship with Jesus. I told her that even through years of being a Christian, there was still a hole in my heart, and under challenging circumstances, it stated to press on me. Now, however, there is a clear change on how I am on the inside, something is deeply settled now. Also my thought life is much different. Now the hole in my heart is filled by Jesus. As I was writing that in an e-mail, suddenly Jesus spoke to me: “Yes, I am right here!” And with the eyes of my spirit I saw my heart with a big round hole in the middle and Jesus sitting in that hole - feeling comfortable, swinging legs, smiling and waving at me. “And in fact”, He said, “I am filling the hole in right this very moment.” He had some kind of fluffy material that was the same color as the rest of the heart and was attaching it to the sides of the hole.

Why my heart did not get fully filled right away when I accepted Jesus? Why was there still often this gaping hole even if I knew Him already? Why I did not live from abundance in Him right away? While I may not have full answer to these questions yet, I think that through our years of independence from Him, we form layers of self-sufficiency that at times can be difficult to get through. God needs to peel off layer by layer through His word and different experiences He is giving to us. Also, I believe that our hearts are canny and wicked (Jer. 17,9), and they may want to keep relationship with God on a surface while still harboring hope to obtain ultimate satisfaction elsewhere. And sometimes that hope dies hard. Or, it may take a while to get stable connection to Jesus because of unsafe attachment patterns. While there are people who become fireballs of God’s love right after conversion, most of the time the growth occurs gradually, from glory to glory. God pursues us, but He also wants to be pursued by us. He is not a harlot who exposes all right away. We need to seek Him as the pearl of greatest value.

I think most of us realize that things and achievements cannot fill the ultimate longings in our hearts, but can’t our hearts be filled in the relationships with our closest people? All of us were born with a hook, selfishness in our hearts. Jesus is the only One ever to be born without that hook, because He was born from the Holy Spirit. He is totally different than anyone you know. We can experience wonderful moments and even periods of time in our relationships, but we will inevitably also get disappointed in people. The hook will appear, for instance, in subtle dismissive attitude a close friend suddenly shows as you are sharing something. I have never experienced dismissive attitude from Jesus! And those of us in couple’s relationship for longer time, we know full well that there are ups and downs in a relationship, and occasionally, even periods of more serious challenges. While those can be valuable learning experiences about our own sinful patterns and opportunities to grow a Christlike character, we also need a safe hiding place in Jesus through it all  – “embrace and touch me like a child, I'm safe in You.” (Hillsong / Shadow of Your Wings). By all means, we want to have relationships with people while exercising godly wisdom, guidance, and boundaries. However, He can understand us best in our uniqueness - He created us! And He does not have an underlying motive, His love is pure.

Is having a Snowman a little bit like having Jesus?

About two weeks ago we had a little bit snow in China, which here is a rare occurrence. Some people were scraping together enough to build little snowmen here and there. Snow is indeed a wonderful blessing. Our Creator loves snow and oversees the heavenly storehouses full of snow.

Last Christmas I watched again The Snowman (1982) and The Snowman and the Snowdog (2012). Apart from being great animations, these stories capture deep longing in our hearts - to have a supernatural companion on our level to whom we can introduce our world and experience a new world of miracles together. This friend realizes the desires of our hearts, be it for having a dog or having an adventure. The Snowman theme had somewhat of a comeback with celebrated character of Olaf in Disney’s Frozen (2013). Here, however, the snowman is a fun, faithful and compassionate character who brings laughter and hope even into most threatening situations. The question “Do you want to build a snowman?” has become an epitome of close and affectionate relationship and having a great time together.

I was thinking of ways snowmen themes captivate me and recently realized that they carry something of what Jesus is to us. He is a Companion who comes down on our level, to whom we can introduce our world and who comes with us wherever we are. He also opens up a new world of miracles to us, and with Him, we can fly far above the earth and what it represents – our limitations and problems. And you can have fun with Jesus, too! Once pretty recently in my time with Him, with the eyes of my spirit I saw myself sliding down the roofs of some magnificent church buildings and jumping straight into arms of Jesus! I was a bit shocked to see that, but it was great nevertheless. And why not? Jesus is not a religious guy; in fact, He was hated by the religious leaders of His day. He came to give us life and joy in abundance!

In both Snowman animations I particularly like the moment when after spending some time with the Snowman, boy and the Snowman start to fly and the beautiful theme songs start to play. Jesus spoke to my heart that this moment happened in my relationship with Him just a few months ago. I knew Him before, we had spent quite some time together, but there comes this special moment to take it to the next level and fly together, high above everything.

Both Snowman and Snowman and Snowdog animations end on a sad note, because eventually, the Snowman melts and the boy’s spirit is crushed. Jesus, however, promises to never leave us and always be there for us, in this life and throughout the eternity.

In blossoming fields with Jesus

Beginning of December 2015 I had a special experience with Jesus after which I have found it much easier to enter His presence and receive His love at any time. It was certainly one of the greatest spiritual breakthroughs of my life. I woke up in the Saturday morning perhaps about 6 am, could not fall asleep and decided to pray while still resting on the bed. I kind of continued sharing some concerns to Jesus that I have started off previous night, when suddenly I found myself in the blossoming fields with Him in my spirit. Amazingly, it was suddenly very easy to be with Him, talk to Him, and I could also clearly hear what He wants to say to me. This was the first time I saw Him speaking to me. The atmosphere was very restful and unhurried, and I could be me. Whatever I said was alright and Jesus understood. Being with Jesus this way was like all distracting things were totally shut down and Jesus also promised to keep them out. He also said that we have to meet more often this way and that we need to get to know each other better. He promised to take care of my concerns and I saw encouraging visions of all closest people in my life getting free, being full of joy and all of us dancing in a big circle together.

Most amazingly, I am now able to enter this kind of presence of Jesus at any time when I have time for that and conditions are unhurried enough. Locations in the spirit may change; but I always find Him waiting for me in some place, ready to pick it up again from where we finished it last time. The image I have added to this post features one of allegories of Jesus – a lion, but I see Him as a human being. Anyways, I find the image captures something of the atmosphere of being with Jesus that I have experienced.

It is now as if all things I know about Jesus and all I have experienced before suddenly come together. I believe He has been working patiently all these years to bring it about. Before, though I have had some amazing encounters with Jesus which I shared in previous posts, it was difficult to maintain that level of closeness on everyday basis. Now it is regular occurrence. I will share some more of that in my upcoming posts. It’s not like me or my environment is totally problem-free now, but now I am in much better position to address whatever comes. I am securely attached to Jesus now and can talk anything through to Him, and receive His answers and comfort.