Sunday, April 24, 2016

Rest and refreshment in God



Most of my adult life and even already in my teens, I have felt pressure of some kind. I am sure many can relate to that. At times I also did not really know how to enjoy life and to relax. Mostly it has been difficult also to cease from striving in front of God. There is always another challenge, always something to pray for, another spiritual battle to fight. However, living like that all the time is guaranteed to wear us out. We need to regain strength and to be able to rest and relax in the presence of God.
How is it possible to do that? How to experience and rest in God who is loving and caring, good and gracious, full of unconditional love, present and accessible, accepting, just and trustworthy? I am learning that still, but I can share some insights I have received and how I am currently experiencing that.
I recently came to Jesus and felt rested simply in the thought that He knows and understands exactly what I am going through. It appeared that I needed that most. He understands. He validates my feelings. And He is there for me. Jesus says: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Mathew 11, 28). Jesus is making this invitation to us to come to Him. Jesus misses you, just to be with you. It can be difficult to cease striving, lay it all down and just to rest in Him, but this is the way we gain strength.
Some years ago in a moment when I felt unwell on the inside, for the first time with the eyes of my spirit I saw my soul as a crying baby in need of comfort. Now at times I come to the Trinity – God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit as a baby and experience that I am welcomed, fed and changed, calmed down, sung over and played with. I think in order to be restful and filled up by God, we need to come to Him as child who cannot give much, but can nevertheless be enjoyed, loved and taken care of.
At times, it is restful to revisit some places with Jesus in the spirit. For instance, perhaps I have rushed through some site when traveling, but I can revisit the same place with Jesus in my spirit and simply talk there and spend time with Him in a relaxed way. I can go back to some situation and see how Jesus was present there. Once after attending a sale which was a rush, I later revisited the place with Jesus and saw Him going right next to me through the process and handpicking the stuff especially for me, knowing the kind that I like, which will make me feel loved, cherished, beautiful. I realized the things I was able to find were gifts prepared by Him especially for me.
At times there are these moments in life when I feel that some things are shaky and uncertain. And indeed, everything which can be shaken will be shaken at some point, and only the things that can’t be shaken will remain, things that are built on the stable Rock, God. I have been especially comforted by this verse: "The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are everlasting arms" (Deuteronomy 33, 27). These arms are always there and we can find rest in them, no matter what happens in our lives in a given time or season.  

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Grace received helps to forgive



“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Col. 3, 13). I recently have thought about how forgiveness and grace received from God for ourselves helps us to forgive others. I find that those moments when we stumble undeniably, visibly or even publicly in some ways are opportunities to experience fresh grace and to be renewed in the forgiveness of God. Fresh grace received helps to forgive others in turn, knowing I stumble too. I also find that grace for someone increases if we have had difficulties in similar area. Maybe it has not been to the same degree or maybe it happened a while ago, but at least I am familiar and know more about the inside processes and dynamics involved in certain struggle. If we go on for some time without clearly messing up, we may get false sense of self-righteousness and be lulled into thinking we do not have problems or character challenges. That may make us harder and harsher on others when they wrong us in some way.
My weak spot, among others, is losing it in some situations when I am pushed by the circumstances, which often involves combination of tiredness and discomfort with some unexpected and unwelcome outside intrusion. Suddenly I may quickly get out of balance and act ugly. In late years, it often has happened when someone is disturbing my babies from sleep. I perhaps have spent long time and effort to make them fall asleep and now is my chance to get some work done or simply rest and do my own thing, when someone comes along, makes some noise and baby is up again! My reaction perhaps can be understood, but it still cannot be considered polite or considerate. Fresh grace can be experienced in asking God forgiveness, recognizing I did not manifest the fullness and completeness of His character and then being renewed and restored by Him. There may be areas where we fail again and again. Persistent faults of the character can be like strongholds which cannot be easily removed. At times this can be our condition or the condition of someone else. Having such helps us to stay in a humble place: “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh” (2.Cor. 12,7).
Once when I prayed and praised God, I saw a splash of hearts washing all over me. God gives love, wisdom, and forgiveness generously and without finding fault, if we only come to Him. If we have experienced that for ourselves, it is easier for us to extend grace to others and to see a deeper level than just outside behavior.

Friday, April 8, 2016

Walking down a lifelong aisle



Wedding day is important for most women’s hearts; it is a special moment which captures our hopes and dreams. I had two weddings, one in Latvia with a church ceremony and another in China with a party for relatives. Upon arrival in China about one week after the wedding in Latvia, it was pretty hectic for us. There were some people accompanying me to take care of and also wedding arrangements to settle on spot. We also caught cold. From the first part of the wedding day in China, I have memories to cherish, but towards the end of the day things were getting very difficult. While I believe everyone did the best to their ability and understanding of the situation, there were some unexpected clashes in how the event unfolded and reactions and expectation difficult to match. It was something that took time to get over.
Some days after this wedding, I had a dream. In the dream, I was being prepared for a wedding again. I was in a room with several female assistants helping me to get ready. There was a heavenly feel to the whole situation. I had a spectacular dress which was pink, my hair was longer than I could ever grow it on this earth, and there were strands of pearls in my hair as decorations. Then the dream was over and I still wondered about the meaning, but it left me with a very good feel, as if there is still something else in store for me. I was reviewing the wedding catalogs which were in our room still and cherished the feeling experienced during the dream.
Over the time, I have started to see my journey as a walk down a lifelong aisle during which my tender, gracious and loving heavenly Father is leading me by hand towards Jesus who is waiting me at the end of the aisle. At the beginning, there was only an unclear, but bright figure somewhere far and I started to walk in that direction, but farther on the way, I start to see Him more clearly, I can already see His face and that He is smiling. All else is on the sidelines – the spectators, noises, disturbances; I may get distracted and stumble or even fall, but I try to get back on the track, focus my eyes on Him and continue to walk towards Him. Along the way, physically things will gradually go downhill for me, but I am getting more and more beautiful on the inside day by day and getting more excited as I am getting closer and closer to Jesus.
The metaphor of believers as a bride and Jesus as a bridegroom is found in the Bible in several places (Matthew 25, 1-13 and Ephesians 5, 25-27 for instance). We do not need to take it literally, because “at the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” (Matthew 22,30). However, the wedding metaphor reveals something about happy expectation of finally meeting face to face the One who died for me to save me from my sin and who carried me through this life. Pretty recently in my time with Jesus, I don’t know why but I asked a silly question: “What color will my hair be in heaven? Because it is naturally dark brown, but right now I have it dyed lighter.” He gladly answered that by saying: “You will shine so brightly that it will not be possible to tell. It will be in all colors of the rainbow.” Through the evidence of the Holy Spirit in our hearts, after accepting Jesus and continuing to follow Him we can have this certainty that we are the partakers of His glory at the end of our journey on earth.