Heart filled by Jesus

Happy Valentine’s day! - no matter if you have your Valentine or not. In Finland this day is the Friends day (Ystävänpaivä) which is perhaps better and more inclusive idea.

Recently I was describing to a friend changes in my relationship with Jesus. I told her that even through years of being a Christian, there was still a hole in my heart, and under challenging circumstances, it stated to press on me. Now, however, there is a clear change on how I am on the inside, something is deeply settled now. Also my thought life is much different. Now the hole in my heart is filled by Jesus. As I was writing that in an e-mail, suddenly Jesus spoke to me: “Yes, I am right here!” And with the eyes of my spirit I saw my heart with a big round hole in the middle and Jesus sitting in that hole - feeling comfortable, swinging legs, smiling and waving at me. “And in fact”, He said, “I am filling the hole in right this very moment.” He had some kind of fluffy material that was the same color as the rest of the heart and was attaching it to the sides of the hole.

Why my heart did not get fully filled right away when I accepted Jesus? Why was there still often this gaping hole even if I knew Him already? Why I did not live from abundance in Him right away? While I may not have full answer to these questions yet, I think that through our years of independence from Him, we form layers of self-sufficiency that at times can be difficult to get through. God needs to peel off layer by layer through His word and different experiences He is giving to us. Also, I believe that our hearts are canny and wicked (Jer. 17,9), and they may want to keep relationship with God on a surface while still harboring hope to obtain ultimate satisfaction elsewhere. And sometimes that hope dies hard. Or, it may take a while to get stable connection to Jesus because of unsafe attachment patterns. While there are people who become fireballs of God’s love right after conversion, most of the time the growth occurs gradually, from glory to glory. God pursues us, but He also wants to be pursued by us. He is not a harlot who exposes all right away. We need to seek Him as the pearl of greatest value.

I think most of us realize that things and achievements cannot fill the ultimate longings in our hearts, but can’t our hearts be filled in the relationships with our closest people? All of us were born with a hook, selfishness in our hearts. Jesus is the only One ever to be born without that hook, because He was born from the Holy Spirit. He is totally different than anyone you know. We can experience wonderful moments and even periods of time in our relationships, but we will inevitably also get disappointed in people. The hook will appear, for instance, in subtle dismissive attitude a close friend suddenly shows as you are sharing something. I have never experienced dismissive attitude from Jesus! And those of us in couple’s relationship for longer time, we know full well that there are ups and downs in a relationship, and occasionally, even periods of more serious challenges. While those can be valuable learning experiences about our own sinful patterns and opportunities to grow a Christlike character, we also need a safe hiding place in Jesus through it all  – “embrace and touch me like a child, I'm safe in You.” (Hillsong / Shadow of Your Wings). By all means, we want to have relationships with people while exercising godly wisdom, guidance, and boundaries. However, He can understand us best in our uniqueness - He created us! And He does not have an underlying motive, His love is pure.