Jesus asks: How is Viva?

In spring of 2015, I spent 2 weeks in Copenhagen on scholarship to collect some material for my dissertation. For this purpose, I made a trip from China while being 6 months pregnant. On the first Sunday of stay, I decided to visit local international church which was just next to the university. After the service, it was possible to have fellowship with coffee table upstairs of the church. A kind older man approached and sat down with me and two young women. He started a conversation and shared a testimony he had heard about an atheist woman who had seen a detailed vision of Jesus and felt seen and accepted for the first time in her life. The story vividly spoke to me and on the way back to place of stay, I sensed the presence of Jesus following me. 
Not wanting to lose the momentum, when being back I decided to pray, but to pray knowing that Jesus is really here, sitting opposite to me in the red  armchair that was in the room. I closed my eyes, ready for what He would say to me. And His first sentence came through astonishingly clear in my spirit: “How is Viva?” I kind of exploded on the inside - I had not expected Jesus saying that, but this simple sentence spoke volumes. Firstly, I sensed His deep concern of my well-being and the well-being of a new life within me. Secondly, I was affirmed that the new baby is a girl, something that myself and the extended family strongly wanted. He was also calling her Viva, the name that I have been considering for a long time. He was affirming the choice of the name as if it is settled already and called it forth. I was also amazed at His respect of my boundaries – He is the Lord who knows it all, but He still asks me to tell Him, He asks me to say how I see the situation and how I feel. His question also showed me that you can “have coffee with Jesus” in your prayer time with Him. He started off conversation just as a friend would do. So you can just be real and talk to Him as you would with a close friend.
The pregnancy in some ways was difficult for me, for instance regarding food in China, enduring curious looks in public spaces, having mood swings, and at times just feeling of being in over my head. This moment with Jesus strengthened me a lot. I also gained courage to buy some girls clothes already. Sure enough, the upcoming ultrasounds affirmed that it is indeed a girl. Later, on June 26, our daughter Viva was born. She is a very lively blessing!

I sense holiness in you

During our years in Finland, we made trips back to Latvia once or twice a year and stayed with my parents for some time. On the summer of 2011, we also went back for three weeks, with Dan 2 years old at a time. At a time, some Finns who served in Estonia came to explore mission possibilities in my hometown Aluksne. We spent some time with them going around and seeing various facilities for possible events. One evening we met with them for a small group meeting. Their leader shared some of his visions and insights received while being in ministry. Then he and his team prayed for us. The prayers were guided by the Holy Spirit and many received some encouraging word for themselves which was just right for their situation. 
When my turn came, I was a bit uneasy about what the Spirit of God would reveal about me. Will it be about some weakness in me? However, the word was very uplifting. And I remember the most what this man said to me afterwards: “When I prayed about you, I sensed something very special, something that I have very rarely felt. I sensed holiness. I know that God is very important to you.” I was immensely encouraged by these words. Not that I would see myself as perfect, but despite some struggles, I was reaffirmed that I am devoted to God and this shows. 
This happened at the time in my life when childcare started to provide a lot of distractions. Although I did read the Bible and pray on fairly regular basis, this was a reminder of a deeper spiritual dimension that can be experienced again and the fact that I am created for more than just the everyday routine and duties. To regain deeper connection with Jesus, after return to Finland I started to go and pray in the little forest that was just next to our apartment building. Those were special fellowship times with the Lord during which I was able to focus better than at home. I also loved the pines, plants, and fragrances of the forest. In the middle of that forest, there was a big rock. I would make a round in the forest praying and then stop at that rock for a while. It would remind me that God is our strong Rock (Psalm 78:35).

Later on, especially in 2014-2015, verses on holy living particularly spoke to me in the Bible. Holiness means being separated for God’s purposes and not contaminated by sin. While God can meet us and work with us as we are, we need to grow on the inside before certain revelations and closeness can be entrusted to us. Sometimes there are experiences of desert and valleys during which we need to remain faithful. I believe God was preparing me for the spiritual breakthrough that I experience right now.

Open door and Jesus joining hands

In the summer of 2005, I had an opportunity to visit twinning town of Aluksne in Finland, Kuopio for a one week language course. Before travel, I prayed with my face on the ground. I felt being in front of something big that is going to happen. As the course started, I found myself sitting next to a Chinese guy. We needed to practice in pairs with him during the course, which gave us opportunity to get to know each other a bit. Jian seemed a pleasant person, and I started to pray for him during my quiet times in mornings. Once I needed to transfer pictures from my camera and I asked if he can help me to do it somewhere on a computer. He took me to his place for that and cooked a dinner which really impressed me. I also saw several Bibles in his room and a picture of word Agape (unconditional, selfless love in ancient Greek) in frame. Jian said he got the picture from a Christian summer camp and the Bibles from local church. 
Next day after the lesson, we went for a walk. We passed by Kuopio main church building. As we entered it, there was wedding ceremony taking place which was curious coincidence and sort of sign. Later I introduced Jian to my mother who was also accompanying me in this travel. We went for a dinner at a Chinese restaurant and took a boat on Kuopio lake. After that, we still noticed a music event going on near the coast of the lake. My mother went back to the place of stay, but Jian and me stayed and danced away the night. It felt at home and easy to be with Jian. In the morning, we said goodbye. I needed to leave already the same day. Nothing was very certain at that point, but we kept in touch. 
On the way back to Latvia, I did some sightseeing with my mother in Helsinki. When we were in the Orthodox cathedral of Helsinki, I saw a big open door in my spirit. Later on I understood that it referred to my relationship with Jian and living in Finland. 

 

As we kept in touch, once I saw a vision of me and Jian sitting on the sofa in my apartment, with Jesus in between us holding our hands and joining them together. At the end of that year, Jian visited me in Latvia with his two friends. We attended a Christian New Year’s camp and then went to my hometown where we had various activities and sightseeing. One evening Jian gave me the most beautiful rose I have ever seen – it was huge, dark red, and sprinkled with sparkles. I had in turn prepared True love waits ring for him. As I handed it to Jian, it carried great symbolic meaning in his eyes and was a clear signal for the start of being in a relationship. We prayed and he was holding me for a long time as we listened to worship music on the same sofa where I had seen Jesus uniting our hands. Jian said that he felt deep peace. 
As he left to the place where he and his friends stayed, I accompanied him to downstairs. There was a moment of uneasiness, but suddenly the light which was working on sensor switched off and we kissed for the first time. I feel that moment was orchestrated by God. Before Jian left my hometown, he also kissed me in one of the least romantic places imaginable – in midst of double door of Aluksne bus station. Strangely, we were also disturbed by an older man who begged money from Jian. Anyways,  gloomy bus station seemed to gain a whole new vibe. I later heard that Jian was so touched that he cried on the bus while going away. I have never seen him crying during upcoming 10 years of knowing him. In spring, we went to China together and got engaged. There was blessing of engagement in a church and dinner with relatives. We visited each other few more times during that year in Latvia and Finland, and got married next Christmas.

Cable connecting me to heaven

 

Spring semester of 2002 I spent in an exchange in Karlstad, Sweden. I sought out local Christian student movement contacts, and its leader also invited me to his church. I got to know that it was a Pentecostal church, but at that point, I did not mind. We had a satellite at home and I had been watching Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN) and seen happenings in various churches. I also have been studying the Bible diligently and felt that God will make me able to distinguish if something is not right. While being at that church, I noticed that some people were praying in tongues. I asked one of the new friends about it, but felt I would not want to let someone pray for me about this matter. I was afraid of the possible loss of control and what might happen. The friend, however, encouraged me that I can also pray about this and receive this myself. 
So one weekend when it was very quiet at the dorms and I was all by myself in my room, I prayed and waited. Nothing happened. I did the same next evening. However, then suddenly I felt strong presence of God, so real I was afraid to open my eyes. After some time, I received one word, meaning of which I did not know and was prompted to say it aloud. It took some time, for me to do it however, I was struggling and even sweating, but as I did, a river of a new language started to flow freely. In the meantime, I saw visions of Jesus walking in some familiar places to me – on the second floor of my parent’s house and near the culture center in my hometown (our little Pentecostal church would later hold its services there for some period). Next morning I went to the university and on the way I felt very much different than before. I was praying inside in the new language and felt as if there is a cable connecting me to heaven now. My spiritual boundaries had increased, as if the spiritual room I am living in has been greatly expanded and there is much more space and light. 
On one occasion later on when my best friend in Sweden prayed for me, I saw healing power flowing to me from the cross and also a white bird flying out of a very thick and black cage. Later I found that if I was feeling down or stressed, I did not go as low as before if I started to pray in tongues. Praying this way was building me up from inside. It was also good to pray in tongues when at times lacking words in prayer or not being sure what and how to pray in given situation. Praying in tongues then is like being a child in front of God and the Spirit of God prays on your behalf. Afterwards in different periods of my life I have at times prayed in tongues more, sometimes less, and mostly when I am on my own, but I still do it and it is still helpful.

God appears as fragrance

When I started to study at the university, I attended local Lutheran church in Valmiera, Latvia. I also was part of Christian student movement which was especially blessed. We had activities in dorms such as Bible studies and we also sought to bring testimony to other students by organizing public events. It was great to have a bigger circle of Christian friends of my own age for the first time in my life.

In 2001, I was close to God and I felt that there will be some change; the was a move in the spirit. At the same time, I felt that I desperately needed to know that God is with me. Once during my own prayer time, I asked God to show His presence. I was waiting full of faith and also holy fear of what will happen. After some time, I sensed the fragrance of incense in my room. I inhaled and exhaled deeply several times in disbelief, but it was truly still there. It was very strong for some time, but then disappeared. I was kind of frozen in awe, but also glad that God had answered my prayer. He also spoke to me in my spirit that this was the tenderest way to me to appear, because if I heard a voice or saw something, I may get too scared. There was couple of more times when this happened in prayer. Later at times the fragrance of incense was coming from my guitar as I worshiped on my own in my room. Occasionally, light fragrance accompanied guitar even when I was not playing it.

Through provision of God, I was able to have an exchange semester in Karlstad, Sweden. It was a real spiritual watershed in my life. I will turn to it more in the next entry, but here I would also like to say that I experienced fragrance during prayer times there, as well. However, there it was more like a perfume, better than brand perfumes, but something similar. It was very reassuring about the presence of God and Jesus during that period of my life. I do not remember having similar experiences, however, after 2002. I believe that the the fragrance of incense represented the glory of God the King, but the fragrance of perfume - Him becoming a human and being on our level.